Dating a man with a child - your feelings matter too!

Loving a man, that has been married before is NO easy task. 
Especially when you throw kids into the mix, and the mother of the kid who is not always kind to your man. 

It's hard, and I'm not entirely sure that it will ever get easier. 

The main reason I'm writing this post, is because when I scoured the internet, magazines and books, looking for someone who could relate to my specific situation, I found nothing. 

I needed to find something to show me that I wasn't alone in the way that I was feeling. 
Not something that was about how I could make my boyfriend's life easier... Putting my own feelings aside to make his life easier is what I was already doing, and I needed someone to relate to me. 

I found nothing! 

Now, If anyone else is going through it, I want to be that voice that assures that you that they way you are feeling does not make you crazy! and you are not alone!
Go back and read that line again, because it's something that you NEED to know! 

YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. 

I had myself convinced that I was crazy, I saw other girls on facebook and Instagram simply adapting into their new families and wondered what heck I was doing wrong that it was so hard for me. 

I questioned myself, my love, and my strength. 

As someone who posts very little to social media, It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't as easy for these girls as I was making it out to be. 
They just obviously weren't posting the hard s***

I reached out to a girl I was really close to in high school, she started to tell me about her blended family and the obstacles they faced - This chick had put in some time devotion to her man to be able get through so much! 
This is one of the girls who seemed to have it all figured out, and honestly, it made me feel so much better. 

It was amazing to know that I wasn't the only one struggling. When everyone else in my life told me I should just break up with him, she assured me that ending the relationship was not the only option, and that my heart was attached to him, so of course I wouldn't want that as a first resort. 

My boyfriend is perfect. He really is. Everything about his personality, his humor, the way he treats me, his love for me, for his family... it makes my heart flutter to think about still. 
The one and only thing that is not perfect about him, is that his ex will a part of our lives forever.

When I'm being my calm, collected, level headed self, I can see that this is not that big of deal.
I'm not perfect either, I've absolutely been with men I absolutely should not have been with. I guess I got lucky and I realized I needed to get away from them before anything got to a more serious point. 
He went against his instincts and let it go where he knew it shouldn't have gone. It's completely understandable. We All Know what it's like to make mistakes, some effect us longer then others but there is absolutely no reason anyone should be punished for past mistakes. (Unless it's a horrible crime, then yeah you deserve some punishment) 

He does not deserve a lifetime of self doubting and pain. Or to be unloved or feel alone. 
However, your entire purpose does not revolve around making him feel better.  Of course you don't want to hurt him, or make his life hard but you have to look out for you too. 

Take care of yourself, allow yourself to have these feelings of doubt, and maybe even a mental breakdown or two. 
Tell him how you feel! If he loves you he is absolutely going to care about how you feel on the subject. 

I do agree that you should support your boyfriend when life is hard. Before anyone starts hating me, There is not a damn thing, I wouldn't do to make sure my boyfriend is happy, and knows how loved and supported he is!
However, he should be supporting you too... and that situation isn't easy for anyone involved. 
This is why I wanted to write this post. 
Everyone I could find before, was about how to support him, but gave no insight on your feelings whats so ever, and they are equally as important. 
I don't want you to forget that! 

I hope anyone who is struggling with this or anything finds peace soon! 

If you need to vent on anything, leave that in the comments because I'm sure there are plenty of us going through the same thing! 

You are awesome! 

Peace, 
Lauren
















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